Guess what, you guys? I have Bloglovin’! Don’t ask me how to use it. I don’t get it. But I figure I should probably get it because I’ve heard it’s easier to follow blogs on. I’ve been working on adding blogs to it, but leave a comment on here if you have a blog and I will follow you!
This week has been a bit crazy. We got our first foster puppy, Dudley, on Sunday night. He is an almost 5-month-old Manchester Terrier and is cute as a button. I use that comparison because this morning he tried to frantically eat one off of a quilt I have. Puppies. I forgot how much work they are.
Chris and I talked about fostering dogs for a while now. I am home a lot more and we decided to take the plunge. The dogs that come to the rescue are from high kill shelters, mostly from the southern states, and from northern Minnesota. The rescue takes dogs in danger of being euthanized and transports them up here to Minnesota to stay with volunteer families who take them in. Our job is to provide love, teach manners, and give them a home to stay in while they look for an adoptive family.
I look at Dudley and see him as a playful puppy, but the reality is, he was taken because he would have been put to sleep otherwise. It hurts my heart and that is what makes me want to do this. My hope is that he is adopted before we go to Texas for the donor egg transfer, otherwise, he will need to go stay with another foster.
This week’s article for Mom.com discusses some of the feelings I have had lately about my thought process during infertility. This article published on February 11, 2015. Read the original article here.
When Did “When” Become “If”?
I’ve gotten into this bad habit when talking about the future, referring to “if” I have kids, rather than saying “when” I have kids.
Way back before we ever started trying, kids were this abstract concept, something we thought we would eventually get when I messed up my birth control schedule, or by splitting a bottle of Chardonnay some night after a cabin-in-the-woods party. In other words, kids were a thing of the future. A given.
“When we have kids, are we going to take them with us up north?” (By the way, I live in Minnesota. Anything north of where I live in the city is automatically deemed, “up north.”)
“When we have kids, we are never going to allow them to have cell phones until they can pay their own bills.”
We’d make these comments throughout our dating years and early marriage. When we started actively trying to conceive, when the birth control was long gone and a bottle of wine was only opened during and right after my period, I continued to say “when” a lot more. It was always used in a hopeful tone, full of optimism, because I was twenty four and my twenty-seven year old husband was always happily in the mood to have sex whenever I thought it was a good time to get pregnant. The only friends we knew who were pregnant or had kids were either older than us, or were a result of a teen pregnancy.
Even when we were going through IUIs and through our first IVF, there was no “if.” I had no reason to think that state of the art science wouldn’t get us pregnant. It was just a matter of time.
What I don’t remember is when my “whens” turned to “ifs.” How did my thinking change from “When I am a mom,” to “if I ever become a mom”? What was that first conversation like, the first time I ever uttered the word, “if” when talking about our future? How did it happen that when talking about our kids, I no longer had that same hope? When did saying, “Are we going to go hike this trail with our kids?” started to put a knot of fear in our stomachs. I wish I could remember that moment when “when” changed to “if.”
In about six weeks, we will be doing our second donor egg transfer. It’s time I brought back some of that hope. Between then and now, I will make a promise to myself to think in terms of “when” and not let myself think otherwise. It’s always been easier to think more positive right before another cycle. As we get closer and closer to transfer, I find myself getting back some of that excitement I used to have for the future, having the feelings that this could be it. My husband deserves that hopefulness, as well as the eight frozen eggs sitting in a lab in Texas.
When I get pregnant. When I have kids. I’m just going to keep repeating this mantra to myself for the next few weeks and hope it comes true.
Bloglovin does work pretty well once you get it set up. I don't for the life of me remember how I did it but it transferred all of my blogs over from blogger. I still use both for some reason though :-/
Reading your article it sounds like my DFET will be just a few weeks before yours – hoping that THIS is finally the time for both of us to transition from "if" to "when".
What a sweetie! Why would anyone want to consider euthanizing him is beyond me. Glad you are able to do this amazing thing by fostering.
Nodding along with your article. Honestly, I don't know when the transition happens, but it's not uncommon for those of us that go down this rabbit hole. Sending hugs.
Such good hearts you have! Dudley is lucky to have you!!
Such a cute pup! Great job on the article.
A. i love bloglovin. once you get your blogs over on it, it's great. B. i love even more that you are fostering a pup! that is awesome and he is a cutie!
What an adorable pup! Even at 18 weeks, I haven't transitioned from "if" to "when"
Ugh, the dreaded "if" and not "when". I have written that post before and it sucked!!! It is hard to know when our words and thoughts change from one to the other. *hugs*
Such a cute puppy.
Dudley is adorable! My sister fosters dogs and it's such an awesome thing to do!
I didn't transition from if to when until I was probably somewhere in my third trimester.
I was a big "when we have kids" talker. I never for one millisecond believed that wouldn't. It was understood. A given. And even once IF started, I still spoke like that, I think out of habit, but also naivete… I just assumed we'd beat infertility eventually. For me, the change to "if' was very intentional. It was a way for me to acknowledge that this whole thing, all of it, is out of my control. It was a way of relinquishing that control back to the Man in Charge. But I think with time, it has slowly adjusted my thoughts beyond that into kind of a negative way of thinking… power of positive thinking, and all that. So kudos to you for going for it. I'm excited about the next transfer. I think you've made some really wise changes for this time. I'm believing with you, Risa. WHEN you bring your baby home, you'll be FANTASTIC a mom!
And we will all be repeating that mantra with you…when, when, WHEN. As in, when your friends throw you a baby shower, I better be on the guest list.
Dudley is a cutie! What a wonderful thing you are doing by fostering the dogs, my heart smiled when I read this.
What a cute doggie! As far as the "if" and "when"….I have found myself going back and forth on the word I use and sometimes it's not deliberate. I used to always say "when" until infertility hit and then it became "if"…but for some reason I had convictions about using the word "if." Because while I told people I had faith God would fulfill the desires He had placed in my heart, I was saying, "If" as though my faith that He would was weak. Does that even make sense? So for the most part, unless I slip up, I try to say "when" as a voice of faith.
And in regards to bloglovin…I have it and I am also trying to figure it out. lol
waitingforabybird.com
Love the foster doggie!! <3 many prayers for this year as you navigate through your journey <3
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