(Pregnant until proven otherwise, that is!)
It was weird driving to the clinic knowing that we would be coming home with an embryo. Chris said he woke up at 5:00 am, unable to sleep because he was so excited. I was in the bathroom getting ready when I started getting this weird feeling. The embryo—I think it’s a boy. Don’t ask me why. It was a feeling.
I got ready, nixed the makeup again because I wasn’t supposed to wear powders. I put on my lucky socks and my bracelet that was blessed that my cousin had given me, filled up my 32oz water bottle to start chugging at 10:15 and finish by 10:45.
Then we were off! I took my Valium in the car and by the time we were sitting in the waiting room, I was starting to feel the effects.
I figured by that time, we were in the clear and were good to go—that the embryo was still growing. We were finally brought back to the procedure room and by that time I really had to pee! You have to have a very full bladder and if you don’t, they fill it for you. We won’t go there. The nurse had both of us change into surgical attire before the doctor came in.
The same doctor we had for retrieval, Dr. C., came in to talk to us. He said the embryo was supposed to be 6-8 cells and ours was 8. Also, for a 3-day transfer, they don’t grade embryos like they do with a 5-day blastocyst. These embryos are given scores from 1-4, with a 1 being the best and 4 being the worst. Ours was a 2. So Dr. C. was really happy with that, which of course was a huge relief to me.
We then went to the surgical suite where I was for retrieval. I got onto the gurney and had my legs stuck into stirrups and a sheet (kind of) placed over me, but I could feel I was exposed to the world. In front of me, there was this huge window, and I was told that that was the embryology lab and that my little embryo was in there, keeping warm. I wanted to cry until six staff members from nurses to ultrasound techs to lab techs proceeded to parade in front of my lady business, prepping everything. It was exciting. The ultrasound tech was explaining who everyone was and what was going on. Dr. C. came in and said he was going to do another trial transfer to make sure my uterus and all were in a good position.
The lucky socks! From the same blogger friend who gave me my lightning bolt ones from retrieval.
I had the Valium in me and I totally had to pee, but it was all forgotten when I started watching on the screen. The tech was showing me where the catheter was. Chris was sitting on a stool by my side and was watching it all too.
“Look,” she told me, “Watch! He’s going to put the embryo in now!”
The embryo is microscopic, but she showed me the little fluid pouch where it was. It was pretty amazing to watch.
See the arrow? That’s pointing to the little blob of fluid where my embryo is now residing. That long bright line is the catheter. It was pretty cool. I wish I could describe that feeling I had watching that happen, but it’s hard to put into words.
I had to lie on the table for ten minutes after before I could get up. I was worried that I was going to be dying and begging for a bedpan, but I think I was just so excited. Chris and I just talked quietly and marveled at what we had just seen.
The nurse came back and I was allowed to get up and pee. Then we went to the recovery room where I had to lie flat for another half hour.
Infertility has been four years of hell. It has led to heartbreak, tears, jealousy, and anger. It’s a miracle I could come out of this unscathed. And then I saw this picture. How many people can say they have a picture of their child three days after conception? I then realized who I was doing this for. Not for me. Not for Chris. For this little one. Take a look the most breathtakingly beautiful picture that has ever rendered me speechless:
Then I got up, walked out to the car and Chris drove me home with me lying in the backseat. I sent a few texts to my friends and family, letting them know how it went. We got home and my best friend came over with a little care package. Chris has been waiting on me hand and foot. I have been laying on the couch, still in awe that I am technically pregnant.
Science has done all it could. It’s now up to my body to keep this little guy alive and thriving. It may work. It may not. But for now, I am not going to focus on either. I am not going to think about the weeks ahead of me. I am going to live in this moment. It doesn’t matter right now if this little one doesn’t stay. I’m just going to enjoy the fact that there is life inside me. Something I have never experienced. Because right now, for just this moment in time, I am a mother.
Your little boy embryo looks absolutely perfect to me!
My fingers are crossed for this tww to fly by and end with a big ole BFP!
I cried reading this! How exciting! I am so hopeful for you and I just know deep down this is going to work. Big hugs, my dear, dear friend! High five Chris for me too!
Crying over here as well. Just know a pair of strangers are pulling for you and your pregnancy! We are holding your family in our prayers!
I'm so excited for you and Chris! Your last paragraph made me cry. You're a very strong woman, Risa and I admire you so much. I have my fingers crossed that your little guy will decide to stick around for the next few months!
So that little ambiguous blob is my future grandchild? Cool!
Thanks Tonisha 🙂 He is pretty perfect 🙂
I am so hoping this is going to work! I will definitely high five him for you 😉
Kasey you are so amazing. I appreciate your prayers and support so much.
🙂 so sweet. Thanks so much for this. I don't know what I would do without you wonderful ladies 🙂
Daddy! Geez. I know deep down, you are touched 🙂
Yes, you are certainly, certainly, certainly by all means a mother.
Congrats on being PUPO! Was thinking and praying for you guys today. Your little embaby looks gorgeous! Enjoy being PUPO!
OH fingers are crossed my dear! Enjoy it. I have a feeling it's going to stick around!
Add me to this list of those you made cry! I'm so excited for you and definitely hope you can enjoy every second! Most people can't wait for the beta and end up POAS. I only made that mistake once. Then I realized that I actually like the 2WW better because during that time there is still a chance. Once you do the test, it's either yes or no, so enjoy every second that you are PUPO! Praying he sticks around!
🙂
Thank you! He is pretty gorgeous!
Thanks so much for your encouragement! I'm hoping he likes it in there.
Thanks Jenni! I haven't decided if I'm going to test early. Oh who am I kidding? Of course I will 🙂
So happy for you and Chris and for all the greatness that today was/is! I stared at that photo of your embryo and imagined it growing into a BABY, a human life…that is pretty powerful. Gah. Indeed a unique way to start observing a life!
I will be thinking of you and hoping that this guy sticks and makes himself (or herself) very comfortable! Best of luck to you.
Your last two paragraphs are beautifully written. You have put into words how most of us have felt. Wishing you a successful outcome!
sweet little embryo!! Y'all made a beautiful couple and no doubt your kids will have your pretty genes too!! PUPO!!!
So happy for you! This is SO AMAZING!
Love your pictures! You two look so cute and will make awesome parents!
Congrats on being PUPO! Praying for you and your baby boy! 🙂
Sarah this gave me chills!
Thanks so much!
Aww thanks! Pupo!!!
Thanks Amanda! It's pretty amazing. Hard to believe this came from. I both of us.
🙂 Ahhhh thanks dear!
Sounds like a great day all around. Stick, little guy, stick!
Thanks Kandie! Ha ha definitely a baby boy. 🙂
I'm just so relieved the he is in my where he belongs. The last few days have been full of uncertainty so I'm glad he's here with me.
That embryo is a beaut! Stick, stick, stick!
Yay for a great transfer!! Come on little one: burrow and make yourself comfy! In the meantime, take good care of yourself mama.
absolutely the most beautiful picture ive laid eyes on.
xxo
Yay! Congrats!
Woohoo! Stick little bean, stick!
It is so interesting to see how clinics do things differently. For transfer, there was no scrubs or laying around for a while. In fact, I was just told to take it easy, but no bed rest necessary.
Woohoo! You're PUPO!! Fingers crossed for you, girl! 🙂
Yaay!! This is very exciting, congrats Mama 🙂
Congratulations on being PUPO! Praying that this is it for you two! 🙂
Hooray for PUPO! Sticky vibes for you! And that bracelet is gorgeous!
It must be an amazing feeling!
Woohooo PUPO!!! You're a mother! xoxo
That totally made me laugh!
Awesome!!! I wish you the very best of luck. Grow embabies grow!!!! 🙂
I hope he finds some prime real estate here soo much and settles in. 🙂
🙂 thanks Sarah!
Thanks lovely!
I was looking online today about bedrest and all these links were saying what my doctor said. That it may be an old wives tale, and that the point is to relax and destress. I've been up a few times. Mainly because it's hard for me to lie down and eat. Just mainly lounging around and taking it easy 🙂
Thanks Aubrey!
Thanks Amie! I love hearing that!
Thank you! Appreciate the prayers!
Yay! Thanks! I love the bracelet! I hope it really does bless me 🙂
It's just indescribable. To go from absolutely no pregnancies to this, is awesome.
Thanks so much!
Aww so sweet. Thanks Jennifer 🙂
So glad it went well! Love those socks and now enjoy this time. Praying for this sticky bean to stick!
PUPO is the best possible term. I hope that you will soon be PAPS (pregnant and proven so). Two week waits are the worse. Hang in there mama! That little embaby is looking pretty darn amazing.
I loved hearing all of your joy and optimism in this post. Really beautiful. Fingers crossed for you guys!
Congrats on being PUPO! I'm sending you and your precious little embryo all the good thoughts I can. Come on, little guy – stick!
Fingers crossed!!
Oh risa! So excited for you! Even though this has been hell on you, you are getting to experience some amazing things that most mommies never get to! awesome! Congrats!
This is such a beautiful post to remember the day you got pregnant. You have done an incredible job of documenting this journey and I hope that one day you will be able to look back and read this, with find memories of this day. You and Chris are in my thoughts and prayers.