Corona Diaries: Episode 2

This is part two of a series documenting our life during COVID-19. Catch up on the first post here.

Another week at home. Funny, it’s been two weeks and it feels like forever. And then I feel guilty for complaining when my fellow nurses are out there with the rest of the emergency workers risking their health and their lives and those they love. I hate how I complain about how cooped up I feel because it feels inappropriate when the world is infected with a virus and so many are on ventilators and dying.

This week, in the world of my little household, it’s been a little better. After therapy last week I drew up a schedule for the work week which is more like a check-off list, but so far, Olivia’s been pretty on board with it. We have exercise time, outside time, reading time, art, school, time with Daddy (that one is for some peace and quiet for me). We’re getting through this, but it’s hard to not obsess over the news or the nurse Facebook group I’m in. It’s hard not to freak out every time one of us needs to leave the house because we might bring back a deadly virus with us. I went out to a less populated but more expensive grocery store and everyone was keeping their obligatory distance. I wiped down my cart and tried not to touch my face. A guy came up while I was bagging my own groceries and stood too close, bagging the person’s stuff behind me and I held my breath as much as I could, which is dumb because what is that going to do?

Then I thought I was being smart by joining Shipt while Walmart delivery slots continue to be filled 24/7 (Who are these unicorns that actually are getting a delivery slot?). Anyway, Shipt has an adequate amount of slots (for now, at least), but then I heard on social media that people are wiping down their groceries when they get them delivered and we haven’t been doing that. Granted, in order to truly disinfect something you need to leave the surface wet for at least four minutes and I doubt that’s happening. I think people are just doing whatever they can to feel safe. But that also means there are no freaking disinfecting wipes anywhere and we don’t have any at the house since moving to Norvex and Thieves a year ago.

Toilet paper, disinfecting wipes, and hand sanitizer is the new gold. You can never find them anywhere, except apparently at 5:30 in the morning. We ordered some TP from Amazon and that just was delivered to us. I wash my hands all the time, so I don’t have use for sanitizer except when out and about.

Our governor finally (finally) declared us to shelter-in-place. He was hemming and hawing and treading lightly and finally “asked” us politely to stay at home and do the right thing. Meanwhile, teenagers are gathering like crazy in our neighborhood. People are wearing plastic gloves out, but don’t know really what that means. Chris saw a lady out at the grocery store wearing gloves only to pack her groceries and walk over to someone she knew and lay her hand on the person’s shoulder and get a few inches from her face in greeting. On my last Costco run, a middle-aged woman behind me unloaded her groceries with gloves…only to constantly be swiping at her nose and pushing her hair back behind her ears. On that same trip, I was back by the paper products and overheard a middle aged couple talking about how they don’t have toilet paper, so look and see if there are baby wipes instead and I wanted to turn to them and say Bishes, you’re the reason our babies don’t have enough wipes.

People are fucking pissing me off but I know most of them are doing the best they can, even if they’re annoying as hell.

My work life

Slow. However, I was just assigned my first COVID piece and was paid great for it since I asked for a rush fee. I’m waiting on any edits from two pieces, but otherwise, I have nothing else in the works. The client I just started working with furloughed their copywriter and now I have to report to someone else. I sent an email to my copywriter, told him to stay safe, hopefully, he’ll be back and to keep in touch. I hate this. I hate the downsizing even when I know it’s necessary for them. I hate the unknown now and don’t know how this new person works.

My kids

Olivia’s doing better since the schedule. It’s just challenging because she dominates so much of my time and then Emelia gets the shaft. The weather is getting nicer and she’s not keen on walks even though I insist on it, and wants to just play out in the driveway. Which is normally totally fine, but then I have Emelia to entertain or need to give her to Chris.

I don’t think she really understands what’s going on. We explain there’s a lot of sick people, but now she thinks everyone is sick. So now we’re talking to her about germs and how we all need to stay home so we don’t get them and everyone is at home, even her teachers and her beloved daycare provider. She wants to play at the playground and she can’t. She wants to go to the mall and she can’t. So that’s been hard.

My home life

I washed the walls yesterday. This is how much time I have during the days. I washed the walls. I mop every week and this was something I was probably doing once a month. I feel like Betty the homemaker, or maybe it’s Suzie, and that makes Chris laugh, but it’s true. I empty the dishwasher every day, load it, handwash the dishes, wipe the counters and table. I’ve scrubbed the bathtubs. A few days ago while Olivia was outside playing, I cleaned up the new-to-us double stroller I’ve been meaning to get to.

I clean all the time because I can’t do what I really want to do being that one or both of the kids is constantly demanding my attention. I clean because cleaning has always made me feel better and more in control.

My marriage

Chris and I finally had an evening where we sat and talked. I unloaded everything that I was feeling, and we talked about how we were going to run the household in this new normal without both of us going crazy. He agreed we didn’t have much to say to each other on a daily basis and how weird life is right now. It was a good conversation. We also agreed that I was going to be better at taking that time during the day at some point to be by myself. I love my kids. I love my husband. But I need some alone time or I just struggle.

We were going to have a date-night-in where we ordered in food after the kids went to bed, but then all the businesses shut down. My therapist suggested we make something at home. The baby is still unpredictable, but I know we should at least attempt this.

My mental health

Is ok. Not great, but the baby is doing better in the evening sleeping so I can have some time with Chris. Therapy is helping. She said she’s been a lot busier with the influx of people.

I still laugh at things the kids do and Chris and I find those joyful moments. But life pretty much sucks right now. The worry and fear are always there. There’s no looking forward to anything. It’s just one day after another. Fridays are no longer anticipated because every day is the same damn day. The only good thing about the weekend is Chris is available to help with the kids. I’m trying, I’m really trying to find purpose and joy in this new world I didn’t want and certainly didn’t ask for.

My social life

I’ve been Facetiming and Skyping, but I’m not fooling myself. It’s not the same. It’s better than nothing, but it’s not the same. I miss my friends and seeing my parents and sisters on a visceral level and now knowing we will all be at home for Easter just makes me so sad. I don’t know yet what that’s even going to look like. I hope the weather is nice because Olivia would love an outdoor Easter egg hunt. I ordered candy and had it delivered, but I think I may have ordered some things for their baskets too late on Zulily, because I don’t think they’ll make it on time and I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that. I might just have to tell them the Easter bunny is sick this year and will come in a few days?

They’re talking about the beginning of May when things open back up again. Our fearless leader is telling people we will be up and open for Easter service, but the reality is this will be going on for a lot longer. June or July now they’re talking about the virus peaking.

There’s just not much more to say on that without being a total Debbie Downer and I’ve had enough of that lately.