I initially started this post back in July of 2018 and then dropped it. In fact, this was all part of the Ask Me Anything series I was running on my blog, until life happened and I left everyone hanging. To those of you who asked questions: Thank you and I promise I’ll get to yours. Pinky swear.
Funny enough, almost all these questions I was getting involved my using donor eggs. This made me think two things: I probably didn’t blog enough about it during that time, and there’s still a lot of mystery and possibly even taboo-ness (a new word, because it’s my blog and we say all sorts of things here) about the whole thing.
Anywhoo, on to the question:
Biological Sibling Issues
“Are you worried about Olivia meeting biological half-siblings later in life without realizing it?”
The short answer: No.
First, we live clear across the country. I would be thinking about this more if I did a donor cycle around here. Do I think about the fact that there are kids out there who share half of Olivia’s genes? Hardly at all. I truly don’t think of them as actual biological siblings and in reality, while she does share her genetics with other kids, I just really don’t make it a thing. I mean, it’s not like her dad was married before and had kids with another woman. Does she have genetic half-siblings? I know she has at least one. Is that kid her family? Not in the least. It’s our egg donor’s child and hers alone.
I know there are other parents who have kids using donor eggs who feel differently. I know some of them refer to their donors as their child’s “other mom” or express the desire to meet their children’s half-siblings. I’m glad they feel comfortable with that and know that people have different comfort levels and ideas about their donors, but for me, this is far from my own thinking.
For me, I’m grateful to this woman who donated her eggs. But that’s the extent. And right now, my daughters have each other. This is their family, right in the four walls of this home.
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We get asked the same thing, about my daughter who came to us via adoption. I also don’t worry about this. I think it’s possible, likely even, that both bio parents will have other children and if she wants to meet them, I would fully support that.
Biology isn’t family. It’s important, but we are still her family, here, every day.
My older daughter actually was the first to ask. Her wondering came from her own role – “If A has another sister, is she my sister too?” My answer was yes. I don’t know if that’s the right answer, but it was right in the moment. If she’s your sister’s sister, she’s already family. Which makes her your sister too.
Author
Love how you put this, Beth.
Mine will have a full biological brother (I used a donor embryo). We have contact with the family that donated them and it’s a nice relationship. Nothing like “other mom” or anything but with technology the way it is today it’s nice to know the whole facts and have them in our hands. Will they meet someday? Who knows. I’m open to it if it happens. He is super cute! It’s nice to know what they could look like when there born.
Author
Yes! It’s such a crazy messy, sometimes complicated thing. But sometimes it doesn’t feel like that at all. Sometimes it seems really really simple. I don’t know. Luckily there are more and more people out there talking about it and you don’t feel like you’re doing this all alone.