Welcome to the thirties, my wild little man.
It’s hard to believe that this baby inside me looks like a fully developed baby. His lungs are obviously still way underdeveloped, but at least we’ve made it into week 30 and we’re still chugging along.
He continues to be a frantic, crazy, nutso baby, bopping around like crazy constantly. He’s been really into kicking me under the ribs and over on my right side. I told Chris it’s so much fun when you’re trying to chew your food at supper and something is inside you punching and wiggling and generally being a psycho as you swallow your chicken. When he especially gets going, I joke that he’s having a dance party for one in there.
Pokemon especially loves to do these weird shudders and bucks and vibrations when I’m laying down for the night and I have no clue what he’s up to in there, but it is nauseating at times.
Braxton Hicks
On Sunday after dinner, I noticed I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions while walking around, clearing the table, and running bath water for the kids. Being my third pregnancy, I have them quite a bit, but this was seeming excessive, so I told Chris I was going to lie down on the couch for a little bit to see if they would slow down. I’ve called the on-call provider for my last two pregnancies because of frequent BHs, so I knew they’d tell me to empty my bladder, drink a bunch of water, and lay on my left side for an hour and see if they go away.
After 40 minutes of lying down, I had 6 of them, which weren’t painful and were only lasting about 30 seconds or so. But I was going back and forth about whether or not I should call. I tried not to let my anxiety take over, but it was definitely concerning. I ended up reading to Emelia that night laying down with her sitting on a chair next to me by the couch. Once they were in bed (Olivia was NOT happy she had to say her goodnight to me while I was prone on my side sorry kid), I went downstairs with Chris and continued to lie on the couch there. Luckily, they tapered off pretty quickly after that before stopping.
OB appointment
I brought it up to the PA at my appointment on Wednesday, and she said to call if they gradually become painful or are lasting more than a minute. My BP was 132/85 which was a bit higher than I wanted, but the baby was also bopping around frantically during that time and making me laugh, so it might have been higher because of that. It went down a bit after the appointment before I got my blood work. They ran preeclampsia labs which turned out to be negative. However, my liver labs, AST and ALT were higher than they were initially several months ago, so I’m not sure what that means, especially since I’ve been reducing my simple carbs so much.
My weight gain, or loss I should say, has also been good with me weighing a pound less this week than my prepregnancy weight. The PA told me that despite the plan being for me to come in weekly at 32 weeks, she wants to see me weekly starting now because of my blood pressure.
I’ve been having some higher blood glucose readings this week, all my own fault since we’ve been eating more pizza and pasta for meals. She told me I really needed to start keeping them in check, so I took it as a warning to do better.
Hypnobabies
I’m really prioritizing my hypnosis tracks and have been doing the majority of them in the baby’s nursery sitting in the glider. I have one more self-paced class to do and really want to make sure I’m listening to the tracks every day, because I didn’t do that so well last time around and I think I’ll be more prepared if I push myself to do them.
I do notice it’s been helping with my overall mental health and outlook for this pregnancy and upcoming birth.
Thanks to all these appointments, I can at least make sure I listen to my Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations in the car. They’ve been so helpful to repeat to myself when the anxiety hits. Statements like:
- My blood pressure is healthy every day and night.
- My baby is healthy and safe inside me now.
- My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time.
- I believe in my ability to give birth easily and in comfort.
- I easily accept any path that my baby’s journey takes, as I am giving birth to my baby.
- I deserve a comfortable, easy, uncomplicated birth.
There are 40 minutes of affirmations like these on this track and with my past pregnancy and birth traumas, these are the ones that really resonate with me and ones I need to keep repeating to myself.
Baby blanket
It’s finished! I’d been working on it every evening after the kids go to bed because I wanted to finish it sooner rather than later. It took me a little over 3 weeks to complete and it’s beautiful.
It’s about 40 X 40 inches which is bigger than I wanted (36 X 36 is more of a typical baby blanket size) but I wanted to end it on a flat round and unfortunately had to make it a bit bigger to even out the edges. I’m so in love with it.
Therapy
I hadn’t been to therapy in 6 weeks. Not because everything has been going well, but because shit started hitting the fan when I got COVID, and I kind of just shut down.
In fact, this is the first time, probably in my life, that I stopped reaching out for support. I’m still not sure why exactly that is and why I’m handling the stress the way I am now. I talked a lot about it with my therapist this week, about how I normally handle stress by talking about it and now I just shut down and hide away from everyone. I don’t know. I think I just started turning inward at the beginning of this pregnancy because I was so in denial about everything and then it just got…easier…to keep going with it. I think especially at the beginning of this pregnancy when I was ranting and raving my anger and frustration and some people would tell me I should try to be grateful for this chance to have another baby, especially one from my own eggs…I just shut down because it was easier.
No one wants to hear it, I’d tell myself.
No one wants to hear the infertile person bitching about a miraculous pregnancy.
No one really wants to hear what’s going on inside my head.
I didn’t particularly want to hear what was going on inside my head, but since I couldn’t escape my own thoughts, I just soaked in them in private. And then it just got easier to not talk about it.
It reminds me of the NICU stay after Emelia was born and I lived and breathed my own private mantra: Don’t stop. Don’t think.
I just wanted to keep my head down, charge ahead, and get through this pregnancy with one complication after another.
So suddenly it had been 6 weeks since I last met with my therapist when I had been going weekly.
“I feel like I’ve been taking care of myself as a home care patient,” I joked with her but of course I was serious. As a home care nurse, morning cares always seemed to take the longest. There are prescribed medications and procedures that need to be done. I was just here, doing them on myself instead.
I woke up (after taking my thyroid medication at some point in the early morning hours). Checked my blood sugar, ate a low carb breakfast. Checked my blood pressure. Took my blood pressure medication. Did hypnosis track #1. Rechecked my blood glucose and blood pressure. Did hypnosis track #2 before doing my assigned exercises from my chiropractor. Made sure my meals and snacks were thoughtfully planned out, along with setting alarms to remind me to check my glucose an hour after each meal, to take my second BP medication in the afternoon, fit in my pregnancy affirmations, fit in my second set of exercises, take my medications at night.
“There’s a lot of care providers assigning me things that are all important and I try so hard, but most of the time I can’t fit it all in,” I told my therapist. I prioritize the medications and glucose checks and diet modifications and from there, I get the rest done as I can. Until I’m reminded by someone that the things they’re asking me to do are really important and I need to try to get them done.
“I’ll say to myself, I need to do my exercises, and then suddenly it’s 8:00 at night and I’m like, oh right, I forgot about my exercises. I’ll do them now.” But then, I tell her, something comes up and three days pass and it’s my chiropractor appointment and I’m like, shit, I haven’t even thought about my exercises in three days.
It’s decision paralysis, she told me. We talked about things I can try to make my life easier to get the things done I need to. Even the hypnosis tracks, I had been putting by the wayside, until I realized oh right. I’m planning another unmedicated VBAC that will be coming up before I realize it. Must prioritize it.
This week has been the most successful yet in making sure I accomplish everything I want to do.
It also helps that I’ve been winding down in work, not wanting to take on big projects with multiple interviews or even start work with new clients, despite me marketing like crazy about two months ago and having a barrage of emails I intended to follow up on with potential new clients. It’s just getting to that point where I don’t want to onboard a new client or start a new project and email them going, Whoops, sorry, I’m in the hospital about to give birth and then I’m taking maternity leave!
Sigh. So I’m sticking with my current clients asking for work as they have it and trying to avoid articles where I need to interview. I know it’s the right decision, but still.
And now I leave you with a Chris sandwich with two girls who love their daddy like he’s going out of style.
