This post is part of the 30 Day Infertility Blogging Challenge. I thought this might be a great way for me to focus on my infertility, but also to show myself in a different light. You can read the whole series by clicking here.
4. Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?
Christmas has been the hardest. We have been together for eight years. We have had four Christmases as a married couple. Every Christmas the two of us put on Christmas music, shove the dog into a Christmas sweater and proceed to open presents. It’s over in 20 minutes. I love my husband dearly. But there is no “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament on the tree. There are no toys to open. There is no little baby squirming in my lap, dressed up in a fuzzy onesie. There are no kids waking us up at 4:00 am, shouting at us to get up so they can open presents. I am not shopping for baby stuff.
This Christmas will be the hardest. We are scheduled for our first IUI right around the 23-24th. If all goes as planned. The clinic is closed Christmas Day so the timing of everything depends on this week whenever I get my period. This Christmas determines if there will be a baby by August or not. This Christmas is also when Facebook is flooded with babies opening presents, or dressed in their Christmas outfits. It will be the toughest to get through, but I still need to have that hope that possibly, I could receive the best Christmas present ever.
I hope we get the best Christmas present this year. It has been hard these past few but we will try and make the best out of this one and maybe things will go our way.
I feel angels around you doing their work 🙂
🙂
This really made me tear up. 2 years ago at Christmas was one of the most painful memories I have in my entire life… We just had a miscarriage the month before, and Jared's 19 year old SIL was 8 months pregnant. Everyone was rubbing her belly and asking about the pregnancy. Jared's mom referred EVERYTHING back to the baby and being a grandma (it was her first grandbaby). I spent every minute of that vacation trying not to cry, putting on a smile, and pretending I was happy for them when really all I felt was all-consuming anger and sadness so profound it was difficult to breathe. I had to 'go to the bathroom', go for a walk, or sneak out to the car by myself at least once every hour to cry alone because I was so ashamed (of what???) and didn't want to rain on their parade and make them feel uncomfortable around me. My heart goes out to you and Chris on your journey… I know nothing will truly bring comfort until you have that baby in your arms, but until that day and from every day forward you have my prayers for you and your family. -Kelsey V
Oh Kelsey, that made me cry. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It's heartbreaking watching everyone fawn over a pregnancy and you are left alone. I don't know how it feels to be in your shoes, but I am well-aware of some of those feelings you had. Thanks so much for writing this!