I’ve been inseminized!

Whew.  First IUI of two is over.  I was imagining it to feel as bad as when I had my HSG procedure a year ago.  It definitely isn’t sex, but at least it was over pretty quick.  (Heh.)

The nurse started out by having me take my pants off.  I wore my sexiest underwear just for this occasion.  I have to take what I can get.  I won’t lie.  I pranced around once for Chris.  Trying to get him in the mood and all.  I was nervous.

“Your count is at 127 million,” she explained, “So that’s pretty good.  We like the number to be over 20 million.  And you are at 75% motility and we like it over 50%.”  She laughed when she saw my eyes dart to Chris, who by that time was puffing his chest out proudly.

Chris came and stood by me while the nurse prepared everything.  She showed me a syringe and I had to sign a form saying that the little vial was indeed contributed by my husband.  Too bad it didn’t say Channing Tatum.  Why couldn’t it have been Channing’s by mistake?

I held his hand as she passed the catheter through the speculum, through my cervix, and into my uterus.  Yes, I felt all of it.  The nurse told me I may feel some cramping.  Holymotherofgod.  I’m not trying to be a baby.  I just hate that feeling.  I’m so glad Chris was there.  It was just really uncomfortable.  I think the whole thing took five minutes.  Chris reminded me of that later.  I reminded him that he wasn’t the one in the stirrups.

Afterward, the nurse set a timer for ten minutes and told me when it went off that I could get down off the table.  Of course, because I couldn’t do much, I suddenly felt the insane desire to cough, sneeze, laugh, and pee all the same time.  No way.  Those 127, 000, 000 sperm were not leaving my body.  To distract myself, I tried to focus on my extremely pissed off cervix cramping up.  That, and wishing there was a picture of some hot guy’s face stuck to the ceiling above me.

Afterward, we went to Lola’s in Minneapolis for some pizza.

I have to admit, I was sitting there in the office beforehand thinking that 30 million would be a good number.  Tomorrow we are going back in the morning for another round.”You know, if you think about it, I had like six times the amount they were looking for,” he bragged to me on the way home.

127 million sperm. In my body. One of those fuckers better fertilize my egg.