I have nothing else to do during this 2WW so Chris and I came up with this useless list that we had a great time making. Enjoy!
You might be infertile if…
… More than just you and your husband are involved in making a baby.
… He can get it up anytime, anywhere. Except the RE office.
… You spend all of your money on fertility treatments. Then you have no money.
… Any trip over one day involves careful planning on how to keep the progesterone suppositories from melting during the car ride.
… Your stomach clenches in knots hearing/seeing every. single. pregnancy. announcement.
… You don’t cry over spilled milk. You cry because you don’t have any milk.
… All of your baby names keep getting stolen by fertiles. You’re left with Gidgit and Apple.
… Your husband/partner is more versed in female reproduction than a Women’s Health Practitioner.
… Your dog looks at you like this when you tell him he may not get to be a big brother:
… You realize it’s inevitable that your youngest sister will probably get pregnant before you do.
… Your friend had one drunken one-night stand and got knocked up. You’ve been abstaining from alcohol for four years and you didn’t.
… That same friend now has maternity photos with her and the one night stand, and then later has pictures of her baby plastered all over her Facebook account. You and your husband just had a failed IUI.
… You talk about your vagina to anyone who will listen.
… You’ve ever gone cross-eyed trying to find that little pink line.
… You can’t commit to anything because you have to wait for your period to start, to know when your doctor appointments will be.
… You seriously consider taking up crack. Or going on welfare. Because people who do that always get pregnant. Three or four times.
… You know what EWCM stands for.
… You are sitting with a group of women and the conversation inevitably turned to children, sharing birth stories, swapping tips on breastfeeding and you sit there quietly because you have nothing to contribute.
… You can shoot up injections better than a heroin-addict.
… You live in a five-bedroom house and four of those rooms are used for storage.
… You have more people hidden from your timeline than you actually see because all your Facebook friends have children.
… You spend more time in stirrups than a cowboy.
… Your RE sees your lady parts more than your spouse.
… You are reading this, nodding your head and agreeing to everything on here.
Love your post. Only one glass a day just FYI.
I was SO nodding my head!
Haha! This is precious. I love the cowboy one, but my favorite is your selection of leftover baby names. I swear I've had names picked out so many times and then they suddenly become super popular so they get the boot. I'll probably bring them back out though as those kids are turning FIVE now!
OMG! I have to shre this!! I am linking this to my post tonight!! LOVE IT!
This is great! I would also add "when your mother-in-law knows enough to ask you about your cervical mucous". Yeah, that happened. My fave is the cowboy line!
OMG This is awesome! Especially agree with needed to wait for AF to schedule your appointment before you can make any other plans!
Love it! I have considered going on an all junk food, white trash diet and start smoking crack since that seems to be the key to fertility.
What a perfectly hilarious and true post! Only thing is I don't actually know what EWCM stands for??? Maybe I'm not as infertile as I thought!! (I wish). This is a wonderful list. Thank you for sharing it!
Pretty good list and a humorous way to point out some serious stuff.
Yes, I absolutely was reading this, nodding my head and agreeing to everything you've written. Sad, but true!
*big hugs* Definitely nodding along and even giggling. Unfortunately, too many of us (have) experienced this. Keeping good thoughts for you.
LOL Bobbing my head, been there, done that!
LOL…this is a great list!
Egg white cervical mucus 😉
I love the baby name thing. So true. And by the way, I'd pick Apple over Gidget…er, maybe not. It's a tough call.
So true!! The name thing is so hard!! I have SIX friends pregnant, and 2 of them are pregnant with twins. All of them are due May-August. My heart is literally in the pit of my stomach…IT SHOULDN"T BE THIS HARD TO HAVE A BABY! 🙁
As usual, you made me smile when I didn't think I could. Thanks for the laugh. This is an awesome list 🙂
Isn't it ironic: We spend so much of our youth trying to NOT get pregnant… My husband and I are not yet trying to conceive but my biggest fear is that we won't be able to.
Hi from ICLW. Yeah definitely nodded to all those.
So true. My OB asked about whether we've had sex recently and I just laughed. 😉
You are to funny!
"… All of your baby names keep getting stolen by fertiles. You're left with Gidgit and Apple."
Hahaha yesssssssss! However, I have opted to go with the name ANYWAY even though 2 of my cousins AND my niece named their daughters Isabella.
Hey there…I'm your newest follower! I hope that this is the month you get your BFP!
http://thebirkelands.blogspot.com/
Blessings!
ICLW greetings! This is a great entertaining list. The baby names one made me LOL. I have one secret baby name left and if I don't get to use it before someone I know, I'm gonna be pissed. Good Luck, I hope this 2WW ends well.
OMG These are awesome!!! I love it! You guys are very clever. Happy ICLW!
Sounds good! I'll try it 🙂
Ha ha YAY!
Yep, definitely a good one!
Hmmm… I'm going with Gidget 🙂
I'm so glad to hear that! I wrote the thing and even I think it's hilarious because it's SO TRUE!!
No kidding! To think of those pregnancy scares 😉 I hope very much that you don't have any problems. But if you do… we are all here for you! Good luck and thanks for stopping by my blog!
Hi! Welcome Rebecca!
Ah yes, the ironic laugh. We've all been there!
I think it's our right to stick with our baby names. I mean, if we were like other couples who got pregnant no problem, we would get our pick of the names too. We deserve to name our kids whatever we want. Good for you for going with that name! It's beautiful!
Hi Kailey! Thanks for stopping by! I will have to check out your blog too.
ICLW greetings to you too! I say you go ahead and use that name anyway. 🙂
And thanks, I hope it ends well too. Ugh.
Happy ICLW to you! Thanks for stopping by!
Ha ha thanks Kristin 🙂
Ugh I am so sorry. I know how that is and it sucks!
There you go. Definitely bring them back!
What a pain. Who knew we'd end up being married to our cycles?
See, you're getting it now! 😉
Thanks Heather!
Thanks, Janet!
Ha ha yep! Thanks for stopping by!
Yes it is, Aubrey. It's amazing how alone we can feel sometimes, but there are so many who can really really relate.
Thanks Jen!
🙂 I'm glad you can relate!
Ha ha well you got 95% of them so that counts for something! 😉
poppping in from ICLW
OMG. Hilarious! Here from ICLW and sad to say that I found myself giggling like only an "insider" can do reading these lists and nodding my head. Ay. That's life, I guess!
Hi! Welcome! Ha ha glad I could make you laugh 🙂
Agreed 🙂 Great list! haha
Ha ha! This was good and SO true! 🙂
This is absolutely hilarious! Thank you for sharing!
Ashley
Man and Wife and Two Fur Babies