Corona Diaries: Episode 7

This post is part of the Corona Diaries series on my blog. You can read all the diaries here.

I didn’t know what to expect back in March with the lockdown, the restrictions, the eventual mask mandate later in the summer. Unlike some others, I knew this wasn’t going to go away in a few weeks. I certainly knew it wasn’t going to go away after the election GASP! I guess I really didn’t know what to expect. No clue. And now we’re nine months into this pandemic with no end in sight. 

Everyone wears a mask now. Everyone. It’s extremely rare for me to see someone without one. Which leads me to think all those people that bitched about the mask mandate taking away their rights finally just relented. Wearing some cloth over your face has proven to be not so bad, yes? 

Which is good. Because my fellow nurse friends wear them for 12-hour shifts. The girl that helped me at Joann the other night wears one her whole shift. I wish people would think of these guys when they moan about masks. If the pandemic has taught me anything it’s that we can do things we didn’t think we could (or wanted to). 

Our stores have been open for a while now, and the vast majority don’t have any more capacity restrictions. Which of course means there’s literally no physical distancing going on. Restaurants were initially open and most had capacity limits (I only went to the ones I felt comfortable with), but those shut down right before Thanksgiving. It’s hard. I understand especially the small businesses suffering. I get it. I also understand the people who get COVID and were the “careful” ones were the ones eating out at restaurants without masks. Several of my family members caught it this way. It’s hard to know what to do. Emelia came with Chris and me one night to a restaurant where we sat outside to eat. It was her first restaurant experience since she was an infant. I’ve taken Olivia once or twice earlier in the fall to indoor restaurants with my mom. I still never felt fully comfortable with it. Actually, the only restaurant I did was the one I went to a few times with a friend where we were the only patrons save for one or two others.

Our governor (who I personally think had done an amazing job in an impossible (and many times hostile) situation, is never going to please everyone, but the fact is, our hospitals have been ramping up in cases and there was a scary low bed count for ICUs. Something needed to be done, but this shutdown still kept regular stores open. 

Which I’ve been going to. The last shut down put me in a dark place with rarely leaving the house. I vowed I was not going to do that again. So I go out and shop. We’re a 50/50 now with grocery delivery versus in-person. Aldi is crazy sometimes and I don’t like bringing Olivia with me there because of all the people. But I’m doing much better mentally than I was back a few months ago. And luckily the carsickness Olivia and I were both feeling back in the summer seems to have gotten much better. Though we haven’t gone on too many drives over an hour. The ones we have, have been good.

Let’s see, Lysol wipes are non-existent. I can find Clorox sometimes, along with generic disinfectant wipes. When the second shutdown came, ironically paper towels were impossible to find. Not really toilet paper though Chris and I joked it’s because the hoarders were still working through their stash assholes. Thankfully, paper towels seem to be slowly returning to the stores, though Costco remains to be the doomsday capital of the world and I don’t think they’re even trying anymore.

Hand sanitizer and disposable masks are in full swing as well. Actually, it’s pretty sad, but disposable masks are wreaking havoc on the environment. I’ve stocked us up on masks so I can wash a crap ton all at once, and the little disposable masks we use, I make sure to cut the straps before tossing them.

Chris and I are still liking each other despite seeing each other all the time. Actually, despite seeing each other 24/7 we don’t spend a whole lot of quality time together, and can’t remember when we left the house together without kids. We’re in desperate need of a covid date night, and I think after Christmas I’m asking my parents to take the kids for a few hours so we can grab some takeout and eat in the car alone.

I’m not working all that much. I have a hard time with no childcare and a mom brain that’s mush in the evenings. After the new year, I want to tentatively try for a little more. I’m struggling with not wanting to work because I get too stressed (all of the work lately involves complex health topics that take a lot of brainpower) with finding the time and energy, but then feeling like I have no purpose anymore. It’s been hard, but I’ve had some pretty cool opportunities coming my way that I hope get even better in 2021.

Olivia’s preschool continues to remain open which I’m so thankful for. They have been amazing. Our school district shut down a bit back to all distance learning (which most of us saw coming since reports show there’s very little social distancing going on in schools as would make sense). Her Christmas break is starting next week where she’s off until January 4th. I’m not sure yet if I’ll keep her home the rest of the week or so because of the other families possibly gathering for Christmas and cases going up further. I don’t know. I don’t want to keep her home any longer than I need to because oh my god she needs to be in school.

But she’s continuing to do the best she can with these not-normal changes. She had a hard time seeing some people in my family all gathered together and she asked why we can’t do that too. It’s so hard. We talked about how in our family we follow the rules placed by our leaders and this is what we do for our part in taking care of people. But it’s still hard. Christmas will be hard. This whole year has just been fucking hard.

Emelia is your typical corona baby. Barely sees the light of day outside of the four walls of her home. Barely sees people outside of us. My mom, her grandma, is a strange fascinating creature, to be looked at curiously, but god forbid she tries to pick the baby up. No really, it’s not that bad but it kind of is. It’s a far cry from the life I envisioned for her.

Another update to come in the new year. Here’s hoping 2021 is better.