Blogging looks a lot different for me than it did back in 2013.
I have small circle of blogs I still follow from the glory days. Those days where I was infertile, but I had an online community that existed in blog posts I’d follow. Daily, or at least weekly, I’d write up a post myself and then head off to comment on others’. We’d do sock exchanges and give each other awards and it was pretty awesome.
In ten years we’ve gone from blogs to social media. In 2012 when I hit publish on my first free Blogger post, I scoured the internet for other infertility blogs. I loved reading blogs. I still do. But those bloggers would stop writing after they had kids. Their writing would appear on my blogroll less and less frequent until months would pass without a new post. Back then, while I was still trying to get pregnant, it would piss me off. So now you have a baby and you’re too busy to blog? It sounds totally snotty, but I think what I was really feeling was a sense of loss. That someone I had grown close to virtually had all but disappeared. We were Facebook friends, and later, would find each other on Instagram. I would still see photos. I would still hear about their life, but now it was in a nicely packaged 100 words or less status update. I wanted to hear their story, not just snippets. This recent Buzzfeed article solidifies that I’m not alone in this.
Sure, blogs still exist, but the promise of a scrappy new form of communication, open to anyone has been chewed up and spit out by social media. Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and even Medium have all made the idea of a personal, updated website seem less useful to someone who just wants to post stuff about their life. The midrange of professional blogs, people who made money blogging, often in food or fashion, still thrives, but many have shifted to Instagram (one professional travel blogger told me that sponsors still prefer her blog posts to an Instagram ad).
I was talking with a friend the other day about if people would still want to keep reading about my life now that we aren’t doing any more fertility treatments. People are invested, she told me, they want to know how the story will end.
And it makes sense. I love reading other blogs. No one leads a spectacular life. (I’m sorry, but it’s true.) But there’s something about reading a post about someone that you just can’t get from a Facebook status.
For now, I’ll still be here, scouring the internet for blogs to follow. Forming those virtual relationships that keep me invested in the blogging community. I’m stubbornly holding on to the past, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
Me TOO!!!
Author
So glad you’re still out there sharing your stories!
Me too!
Author
I’m glad you agree!
I LOVE that you are still blogging your story. There are far fewer long term bloggers left but it makes the ones who are even more special. I think the secret to keeping going is on some level you have to love blogging for yourself, as well as your readers.
Author
Yes! And maybe it’s because writing for publications isn’t the same that I have this weird sort of renewed passion for this blog.
I’m with you. Though I guiltily admit admit to posting not so much these past three months since Ellie’s birth. I like the more in-depth story, as well, and also agree with Jen that people that keep blogging likely do it as much for themselves. I know that’s true for me.
Author
Such a good point. And it’s definitely harder with a baby. Whew. I remember I didn’t do much once I had Olivia and wished I had because it’s so hard to remember those days. I’m trying to be better with it for Emelia. So far… it’s not going well.
Yeah I’m with you. I feel like bloggers are like friends that I know really well so if they suddenly disappear and stop blogging it’s hard! I still want to have updates. That said I know quite a few infertility bloggers will stop following when someone gets pregnant/has a baby.
Author
It’s definitely hard. Ironically, I still get emails weekly from women going through infertility treatments, so I know the infertility part of my blog is still relavant. Which I like. I like supporting people going through treatments because I remember how hard it was (and now they don’t have much of a blogging community like we did!).
Raises hand…yup that is me. 🙁 BUT the very reason you are talking about is kind of the reason I stopped blogging. The majority of the people I felt invested in, quit blogging and slowly kept dwindling. I have managed to find the few of you left on instagram so that allows me to keep in touch but I get it, it’s not a lot of info. I often think about different things happening and then wish I still had the blog to share it but for me it was overall a good decision to end it. I was spending way too much time reading and commenting rather than completing my work…oopsy! I still love hearing about pregnancies and supporting those going through infertility. Blogging was never to make money and writing isn’t something I love, so there is that too. haha
Author
I’m glad you made a decision best for YOU. Though I miss your blog. I’m still glad you’re around and we can stay in touch with each other.
Wait! You’re on Instagram? Are we “friends” on Instagram? If not, we need to be! I miss your blog too, but I admittedly am falling into the category of falling off the blogging bandwagon as well. Not necessarily by choice, but I just can’t seem to sit down and write the posts I want to! I’m thankful for the blog friends that I’ve connected with on social media, but there are still so many that aren’t connected, and I miss them! It’s like reading a good book, but never being able to finish the ending.
Author
I know, Amber, I was excited to be “friends” with Amie on IG too!
I feel so sad about losing contact with a lot of the bloggers I used to follow. Sometimes I think of them and worry: are they doing ok? We may have never met, but I still cared about them.
I think there are two things that have led to the decline of my own blog:
1) sheer exhaustion
2) worries about my kids’ privacy. How much of their life is really mine to share?
I wish I wrote more. I think about it often. But, #1 is always a big barrier. 🙁
Author
I get it. I have a million things I want to post about and not enough time. And I get the privacy thing. I’ve done a lot of research on it and have concluded for myself, having an online community is huge. And I don’t write about the things my kids will get mad at down the road. But I think at this stage in life, our lives are so intertwined that for now, I’m at peace with writing about them.
Agreed… I saw a lot of people disappear over time and I feel so guilty taking people off my blogroll, but when it’s been years it just makes me sad to see the nothing. I get that life gets busy, but you’re right — it feels like you have this connection with people and then POOF! It’s gone. I’m grateful for the blogs there now, for people who keep writing after the babies come (or don’t). And I wonder what happened to people who dropped off, and how old their kids are now.
Author
I did the same when I was on Blogger. I have Feedly now for keeping track of blogs and reading the posts, and I went through a big clean up for the ones who haven’t posted in over a year.. and there were a lot.
I miss the blogging community we once had! And all the sock exchanges and awards. I know that most of us have never met in person, but I feel like there was still such strong friendships formed. I am SOOOOoooooo grateful for the ones I have connected with via social media. I know I have definitely not been keeping up with my own blog in the past year, but not for lack of interest. I hope to still write the occasional post and hang on to this community as long as possible.
Author
I always love reading your posts. It’s like when A was sick and I knew about it on Facebook, but then reading about it on your blog just gave so much more and I thought while reading, Wow, he was sicker than I thought… I think it just gives so much more depth and connection. Like Lori says, it was like just hanging out on the front porch together…
Thank you for writing this! I have similar feelings, while I would never want to go through infertility hell again; I miss the community experience. Like you, I would write multiple posts a week. I had a topics list and I would edit my posts. Not just checking for spelling errors and typos, I would sometimes re-write entire sections. Now it takes me three weeks to push out a DITL post. I also felt resentful when bloggers would get pregnant and stop blogging, as it felt like I was losing a friend. We’re friends on FB and IG, which in a way is a status as we’re acknowledging or IRL identities, but it’s not the same. Yeah, we’re still staying in touch and my resolution was to reach out via email (as apparently I’m stuck in the 90s) but it’s not the same and it makes me feel sad at times.
It brought me to a recent episode of the Australian cartoon Bluey (I think I enjoy it more than Kate). Bluey and her family are at a camp group and Bluey befriend a dog visiting from France, named Jean-Luc (their dialogue follows with her speaking in English and him in French) but they were able to connect and play despite speaking different languages. They plant a seed in the ground and when it starts to sprout, Bluey runs to find Jean-Luc, only to be disappointed that he and his family have gone home.
Bluey’s Mum: Sometimes special people come into our lives, stay for a bit and then they have to go
Bluey: But that’s sad
Mum: It is, but the bit when they where here was happy -wasn’t it?
Bluey: Yes [we got a wild pig together]
Mum: Maybe that makes it all worth it
Bluey: Will I ever see him again?
Mum: Well. You never know. The world is a magical place.
The scene cuts to the sprout growing into a tree, different tents and campers in the background show the passage of time. A slightly grown Bluey sits by the tree to read a book. She hears a voice call “Allo Bluey”.
Author
Social definitely isn’t the same. Email is better, because it’s like an old fashioned letter. By the way, Olivia’s January letter she’s mailing out is coming right to Kate. 😉
And that scene… I’ve never heard of it, but I just looked it up. Looks like it might be on Disney+? It made me get teary.
I love thinking about the old days of ALI blogging, where, as you say, we gave each other awards, exchanged socks, and hung out on our virtual front porches many evenings catching up with each other. Sigh…
I’m glad you are still on the front porch 🙂
Author
Yes! That’s a perfect way to put it.