6w4d with Emelia: We have a heartbeat and mine can’t stop pounding

I’m still here. Or rather, Queso is still here. I only had to wait six days for my next ultrasound, but it seemed like a lifetime. Seriously, this was the longest wait ever. Ever.

Ever, OK?

I had therapy the Monday before and acupuncture on Tuesday, the day before my ultrasound and those definitely helped keep my sanity in check. For the most part. I was alternating between feeling good about it, and having a sense of dread that this wasn’t going to be good news on that Wednesday.

I think the anticipation of a heartbeat is close to the stress of waiting to find out if you’re pregnant in the first place. I mean, it’s a heartbeat, right? It’s kind of a big deal.

So last Wednesday, Chris and I dropped Olivia off at daycare and drove to the satellite clinic. First, they took my blood pressure—lower than it was last week, but still hovering 130s/90s. Because I was SHITTING. A. BRICK. anddoesn’tanyoneunderstandthat????? I got my blood draw, and met with the nurse practitioner for my ultrasound. She came in and introduced herself and went to wash her hands.

“And how are you feeling?” she asked, her back to me.

“I’m freaking the fuck out,” I answered, only I didn’t say fuck because I have standards and need to reign this intense anxiety in every once in awhile.

She laughed, “Well that’s OK.” I guess she meant how I was doing physically. But who cares about heartburn and exhaustion and nausea when there’s a heartbeat to be heard?

Turns out, we’re good. We got a beautiful little blob in there happily beating away at 124bpm and everything is looking great.

I thought I would cry, but I didn’t. I was just… relieved. Like a massive stone was removed from my chest. We had a heartbeat. Queso is still there. I need to stop freaking out before every ultrasound.

I’m still having symptoms, but they’re still a lot more subtle than with Olivia. Exhaustion is killer and I’m napping every afternoon (and sometimes morning when I can manage it. If I don’t have food in my stomach, I feel barfy, and I officially hate coffee, just like with Olivia, so we’re on the right track.

In other good news, my progesterone is finally cooperating with the addition of the vaginal progesterone suppositories, along with PIO shots. So we’re just keeping on keeping on and will have another ultrasound in a week!