31 weeks with Olivia: We visit the Mom Baby Center for all the wrong reasons

Things always happen on a weekend, don’t they?

I’ve called the OB three times during this pregnancy and twice now they have been weekend calls to the on-call provider, the first being when I was having multiple Braxton Hicks an hour and now this.

We were with some friends Saturday afternoon and I was standing around in the backyard watching our dogs play. The temperature was in the 70s so it was nice out, but I kept feeling this dampness between my legs and wondered if I was just sweating a lot.

SIDE NOTE: Apparently you sweat a lot in pregnancy. Like, a lot.

Well after we said our goodbyes, Chris and I went back into the house and I sat down at the kitchen table. I told Chris that I was feeling dampness down there and then he looked down and said the one thing a 31-week pregnant girl doesn’t want to hear: “I can see the wetness. It soaked through your pants.”

Now let me tell you. I have been blessed with an easy pregnancy. I was barfy sick and literally slept through the first trimester. I give myself daily blood thinner injections and a boatload of pills to support this pregnancy. Emotionally, I am a crazy ass infertile who freaked out about everything during these past few months. But when it comes down to it, besides the blood pressure issues, I haven’t had any true scary complications. No bleeding, no bad cramping. No true scares except the ones in my head. I got up from the table and rushed to the bathroom to pull my pants down and saw the wetness had spread over my whole crotch. I was immediately in freak out mode. I took them off and held them to my face and sniffed. Maybe I peed. That happens sometimes. Women can leak pee and not even realize they did it. It didn’t smell like pee though. I sniffed again and then hollered at him to come in the bathroom.

“Smell this and tell me if it smells like pee!” I thrust my pants in his face and God bless him he took them and sniffed.

“It doesn’t really smell like pee, does it? What if it’s amniotic fluid? What if my water is breaking? I’m only 31 weeks!” I grabbed them back and sniffed again.

In other words, bitch was going crazy.

I called the on-call doctor and within minutes she called back. It was the same doctor I had talked with several weekends ago. She told me that for things like this they can never be sure what’s going on unless they see me. She told me to come into the Mother Baby Center and she would let them know I was on my way.

We grabbed a quick snack (because this stuff always happens not only on a weekend but right before dinner and you haven’t eaten in hours), fed the dog, and headed off to the hospital, which lucky for us is a literal five-minute drive. We checked in and I got my hospital bracelet. As we walked through the doors into the triage area, I joked to the receptionist that this is not how I wanted to see the brand new birthing center at our hospital. It just opened a few months ago and we are scheduled to tour it in a few weeks during our childbirth classes. I guess now I can wave to the nurses I recognize.

So I met my nurse, donned my gown, and took off my pants for the second time in an hour. She hooked me up to a fetal monitor and asked if I had to use to the bathroom since she needed a UA. I told her I always had to pee. After a few minutes, I waddled to the bathroom and underwent the process of obtaining a clean catch specimen which I hadn’t done in years and I had to constantly make sure the fetal probes I was wearing on my belly didn’t land in the toilet.

She then did a cervical check and a swab test to see if I was actually leaking amniotic fluid. Long story short: No I wasn’t, thankfully, and also do they stick their entire hand in during cervical checks?

She told me that what I actually was leaking was, well, discharge.

SIDE NOTE: Get used to a lot of extra discharge in pregnancy. You’re welcome.

“We always need to check into fluid leakage and luckily this is a very easy test we can do,” she explained, “This is the third one I’ve done today.”

So you would think, yay OK all is well!

Well during this, my uterus decided it was jealous of the attention my vagina was getting and decided to start having regular frequent Braxton Hicks while hooked up to the monitor. Thanks a lot, uterus. You’re an asshole.

During all this, I was understandably anxious which meant my BP was elevated and with my added adrenaline coursing through my blood, it made Seaweed all sorts of riled up and my stomach looked like that scene from Species.

No joke. She was going nuts.

It was a bit after 7:00 pm when the new nurse came on and I had finally asked her if all that tightening I was feeling were actual contractions and she said yes, that I was having contractions every three to five minutes.

So that led to more tests including a fibronectin swab that determines if you are going into preterm labor. Basically the night could be summed up with How Many Items Can We Stick In Risa’s Vagina?

Another cervical check was done which thankfully I was still closed up, but made me turn to Chris after and inform him that my vagina felt violated and HURT!! and how was I supposed to survive pushing this baby out if I can’t even stand a hand up in there?

The blood pressure eventually went down, all the tests came back negative except for some trace ketones in my urine which could be dehydration. The doctor was ok letting me go home on the promise that I drink a ton of water, rest, and keep my bladder empty.

We ended up picking up a pizza at 8:30 pm on our way home and I drank a lot of water. I still counted seven contractions in less than an hour which was frustrating, but they got better when I went to bed and lay down. Sunday they were less frequent, but ever since then, I have them off and on now all day.

Seaweed and I have had multiple discussions about this since then. She will not come now. I have to be very careful when I talk to her because when I tell her I can’t wait to see her, she gets excited and is all like, OK! I’ll come now! Just let me kick out your mucous plug!

In other news, check out my photos from 30 and 31 weeks. No wonder I have a hard time getting out of bed now.

• 

• 

Oy. And these were both taken in the mornings so I am not bloated. It’s like she’s trying to bust out of there.