Friendships and infertility

This post is part of the 30 Day Infertility Blogging Challenge. I thought this might be a great way for me to focus on my infertility, but also to show myself in a different light. You can read the whole series by clicking here.

29. Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility.

I have to say, I have not lost a friendship because of infertility.  I have, however, modified who gets to know what.  There are some friends that it’s harder to talk to about what I am going through, but it doesn’t make them any less of a friend.  My relationship is not affected by it.  I just have certain people I tell everything too (of course that’s half of the world right now), and others that I limit my true feelings.  And it’s ok with me.  Some people would call that selfish; I call it protecting my heart.  I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

I have had some relationships change for the worst because of what I’ve been going through.  I don’t even know if they even care to read this blog, and it really hurts.  It’s also why I am thankful every day for those precious women in my life that I can go to.  I try not to dwell on it and instead focus my energy on those who do care.

Tomorrow?  Beta time.  I haven’t even POAS stick.  I’m kind of proud of myself because I could build a mini log cabin out of all the pregnancy tests I have taken over the years.  But really, I am not trying to be a Negative Nancy.  Old-fashioned sex has done shit for me, so I am not expecting this time to be any different.  I’ve been positive.  The first three years, I was positive.  Once again, I am protecting my heart. I’m allowed to feel otherwise.  I’ve earned my fucking medal.