12 weeks with Emelia: We get brand new information and it sucks

When I was pregnant with Olivia, I lived in fear. Fear I would lose her, obviously, first and foremost. Fear something would go wrong. Fear I would have a bleeding episode from my blood thinner and it would be catastrophic. I lived this fear for my entire pregnancy, in varying degrees, with the first trimester being the worst.

In reality, most of it was all in my head. There were very few complications while she was inside me. My report of having a marginal cord insertion was probably the hardest, and then learning I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia was next. I had a very small SCH (subchorionic hematoma) with her, but never had any bleeding or any complication from it.

From What To Expect:

Subchorionic bleeding (also known as a subchorionic hematoma) is the accumulation of blood within the folds of the chorion (the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta) or between the uterus and the placenta itself. It can cause light to heavy spotting, but it may not. Most subchorionic bleeds resolve on their own, and women go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies.

Around 1 percent of all pregnancies have a subchorionic bleed and it tends to be more prevalent among women who have gotten pregnant through IVF. Of those women who experience first-trimester bleeding, 20 percent are diagnosed with a subchorionic bleed as the cause of the spotting.

I was lucky. I know that. This time around, the fears so far have been very real.

I had my last monitoring appointment Wednesday and Olivia joined us so she could see her little brother or sister. I also had my postprandial blood draw later that afternoon, so I was struggling to not dry heave. I wasn’t sure if I could eat my usual crackers in bed that morning, so I stayed in bed until seven and Chris was working from home, so he helped get Olivia ready while I slowly got dressed and kept my mouth clamped shut. He made me scrambled eggs and raspberries because I needed to avoid a high fat/high sugar breakfast and then I couldn’t eat until 11:00, which is torture to someone who is so nauseous they have to eat every 90 minutes.

My blood pressure was high, of course, 160/110. Freaking A. We then sat in the US room to wait for the sonographer.

Olivia loved seeing her baby. Queso was doing some impressive rolls so we could see the spine. His feet are about a centimeter long and we could see his tiny stomach where he was already swallowing amniotic fluid, and his teeny little bladder. I die.

Check out the tiny little foot!!!! Olivia loved waving to him and was convinced he was waving back.

By the way, because some of you have asked: I actually don’t know the sex. But like Olivia, I feel strongly one way and this time, I have a little boy in there. Anyway.

She found a big SCH. 5 x 3 cm in my uterus and on screen, it looks like it’s taking up half my uterus.

All I could think when I saw it was, how the hell did everyone miss this last week? The sonographer said they may not have seen this SCH in the ER if the bleed was fresh, but then I saw my OB two days later and they did an US….how could that have not shown up? I mean, clearly, it’s not affecting Queso at all albeit a bit less room to move around in there.

The bigger problem is this SCH is going slightly into my placenta. And it could cause the placenta to start pulling away from the uterine wall, called an abruption. Which isn’t good. At all.

As I was still reeling from this news that Oh hey! This was probably the cause of the hemorrhaging last week!, the sonographer told me if I was established at their clinic, they’d have me on pelvic rest and recheck it in two weeks. She said I’m at risk for another bleed.

She wrote up the report while Chris took Olivia to the bathroom and sent it with me, as I was going to my OB anyway for the blood work in a few hours.

Chris and I drove Olivia to daycare and I told him, “I can’t help but feel like a ticking time bomb.”

We got home and I was pretty hungry and gaggy at this time, so I went back to bed since sleep could distract me from being unable to eat for another hour and a half.

Around 11, I ate my meal: 2 oz of deli turkey on two slices of wheat bread, a small apple and a small glass of milk. Then I watched Friends reruns until my appointment.

I was told by the lab tech, “You’re really only twelve weeks?” to which I wanted to reply, yes, because I ate my feelings for the last seven years of fertility treatments, but instead I met her with an awkward, “Um, yeah,” and silence. Sigh. Then I went out to the front desk again and had the receptionist take my records to scan and send off a message for my OB to call me as soon as she could. Then I scarfed a bar and drove back home.

I Face-Timed with C in Texas for a bit and then Houston called me back, leaving a voicemail. “Everything looks great!” the nurse chirped, “Follow up with your OB!”

Excuse me, what? Everything looks great except for the moderately sized hematoma affecting my placenta, you mean. I called back immediately and left a voicemail.

I finally got a call back from another nurse and she said it was another nurse who read the report, so she hadn’t seen it. My doctor instructed me to be on pelvic rest and to stay on my PIO every other day for the next two weeks, following up with my OB.

Then my OB called around 5:30 and at first wanted me to wait until my level 2 ultrasound to recheck it, but that’s 8 weeks away. I told her I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t wait that long to see what’s going on in there. She told me since Baby was happy and healthy, there was no indication for another US so soon. However, she did agree to let me come in for a nurse visit in two weeks to check fetal heart tones and if we didn’t hear them, we’d do an US. Pelvic rest until then: No sex, no orgasm, no lifting, no strenuous activity. Pregnancy is fun, y’all.